I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
