went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
