things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
