Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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