literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
