the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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