Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
should my penis look like a turkey
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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