I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
