Yo dont text me then not text me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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