I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
