If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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