I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
