Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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