my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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