he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
