i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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