Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
bring money and cleavage
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
