We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
