More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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