I wish I could teleport
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Text me some of your sweat
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
