Your tits are I can't wait for
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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