It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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