i was born a porn star she said
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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