Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize