I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
