considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
