omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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