don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
