Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
