And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
