My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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