What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
