...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
