I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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