I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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