i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I deserve this hangover.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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