Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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