Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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