Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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