I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
