dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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