Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I deserve this hangover.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize