Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
