he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
