What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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