none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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