Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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