there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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