No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
