i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
