MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
