The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
