would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
