i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
