the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Randomize
