I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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