Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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