i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
