I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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