You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
