The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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