This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
