My sheets look like a crime scene.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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