Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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