Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
