I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
