it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
