I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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