the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
