i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
