i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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