I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
