Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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